Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
