Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
