i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
