It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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