She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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