If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
