So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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