we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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