I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
