I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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