Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
