So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
