We're facebook friends in real life
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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