Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
