Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
