I love black thongs
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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