if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
