hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
