i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
