having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
