I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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