i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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