Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
