Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Four minutes until I can fart!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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