We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
