She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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