its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
