Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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