I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
