sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
