This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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