it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
