definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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