i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
