Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
