No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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