I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In America we eat man semen.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
