So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
