We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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