i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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