Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
