I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
