You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
