My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
