I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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