Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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