where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize