I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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