His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
