I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
