So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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