He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
