I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
