So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
