You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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