pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
