apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i barfeds in our rink
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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