I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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