afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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