She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
