She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found puke in my bra..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
