I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
