Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
