Sry I called you an 8
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
