sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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