I heard we made out
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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