We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize