we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize