I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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