Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
