Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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