My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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