I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
