she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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