my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
