No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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