a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
