so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
