i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
