i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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