I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
