checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
