There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
