We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
