Swine flu is the new snow day.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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