Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i believe in u and ur pee
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize