the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
