So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
