Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
