you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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