I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
