Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
